The Art of LDRs

Today I decided to tackle an issue that some couples will face: the dreaded separation and move into a long-distance relationship. I think this might particularly salient for those future auxiliares who will be leaving a boy/girlfriend behind in the States in their pursuit of the European adventure. It might also be an issue for anyone who plans on going to college at a different school than his/her significant other.

"But Nicole," you might be saying, "who in the world made you an expert in LDRs?" Well, I'm not an expert, nor do I pretend to be. But I have been in a trans-Atlantic relationship for quite a bit now, so that gives me a bit of experience, if not expertise.

But let's back up and look at the Nic Sparknotes: while I was abroad, I met a boy through a mutual family friend. While we had never before then, we had heard quite a bit about each other. Over time we grew closer, and after many long discussions on the topic, we decided to start dating, even though we knew that I would be heading back to the States eventually.

Once I came back to the States, we kept our relationship going. Frankly, LDRs are not easy. There's not much of a chance of you going on actual dates, no physical contact of any kind, and in our case, we were in completely different time zones. But it is possible to make it work! Here are some ideas to keep the romance going even from a distance.

1. Send care packages

My Novio and I stumbled upon this one rather than deliberately planning to do so. It just so happened that my birthday rolled around about a month after we separated, and he decided to send me a package full of presents for it. I sent him one in return. Since then, we send each other one large packet every month. There's no need to spend loads of money on the content of the package, but make sure you put things that have some sort of meaning. We like to keep things interesting by making our packages themed. My very first package to Novio was America themed, so I sent him loads of things that aren't found in Spain: Nerds candy, Cool Ranch Doritos, cupcake mix, etc. Ideas for themes include: holidays, a specific color, a specific letter, seasons, childhood.

2. Surprise each other for the holidays

It's really easy to get sad or bitter (or both) during the holidays when you and your SO (significant other) have to spend it apart. So surprise each other! The Novio and I spent our very first Valentine's apart, but by no means did that mean we couldn't celebrate. I had already sent him a package that was Valentine's themed without telling him, but he definitely won the surprise challenge. He managed to contact one of my best friends, MB, and plotted with her to get me flowers in addition to my Valentine's package. He even made sure they were in my favorite color! Utilize your resources: friends, parents, classmates. It doesn't have to be extravagant, but again make it a thoughtful surprise :)

3. Use a webcam

In this day and age, I feel like everyone has one, but if you don't, you should! It's a great way to actually see each other and remember the smaller details of their appearance. Skype has been a huge lifesaver for us! Arrange a set day (or days) to call each other on Skype. We've found that Sundays are usually a good day, along with one more day during the week. It's also a great way to see each other for important days such as birthdays, Valentine's, anniversaries, etc. Skype is completely free as is Google hangouts. Google hangouts even lets you draw or play games while you talk!

4. Find a way to stay connected throughout the day

If you live in the same country as someone, this won't be too hard: a good text messaging plan can easily take care of this. For overseas romance though, you'll have to get creative. If both of you have iPhones, iMessage will work as long as both of you have data/wifi capabilities. Another option (and the one I prefer) is What'sApp. Last time I checked, it's free in the Apple App Store, but there is a version for Androids as well. This works just like regular text messaging, and it has the capabilities to send pictures and videos as well. Viber (free on the app store) allows you to send free texts and make free calls as long as the other person has the app as well. Voxer works more like a walkie-talkie and is also free. You could also consider Google Voice, but this most likely won't be free.

5. Watch something together

Watching something together will allow you two to bond over something. It can be a tv show, a movie, or even a YouTube video. The Novio and I first came across this idea when we were debating the merits of our respective tv shows. Ultimately, I convinced him to watch an episode of Downton Abbey (my favorite show on tv at the moment) in exchange for me watching an episode of Game of Thrones (his current favorite). He ended up watching Downton all the way through, and it was nice to have someone to discuss the plot twists and dramas with. I have yet to watch GoT all the way through, but I have promised I would so I'll be dedicating quite a bit of summer to that. For something that requires less time commitment, share your favorite YouTube videos with each other!

6. Ask each other random questions

This one might seem silly, but I promise it can get highly amusing! Asking each other questions can help you learn more about each other and the way you think. Of course, you can go with the more traditional route and ask relatively normal questions (favorite color, favorite movie, favorite Disney character, favorite Harry Potter character, etc). The Novio and I have never been quite normal though, so we go with more ridiculous questions. We're a big fan of "what if..." questions, but we also like ones like "If you were candy, what candy would you be?" Get creative! If you're stumped, this list might be a good place to start.

7. Document your daily life through pictures

This one is my personal favorite. Throughout the day, the Novio and I send each other pictures as a sort of documentary of our respective lives. If I go to eat at a restaurant with some of my girlfriends, I'll take a picture of my friends and provide their names, and I'll make sure to get a good picture of a meal. If he goes on vacation to see his grandparents, he'll take a picture of all the places he's at and explains what I'm looking at. Think of it as your couples photo album. It keeps you both aware of what's going on in the other's life and learn more about their life in their respective location.

8. Take advantage of snail mail

With all the technology out now, it's not very often that people send things through the regular postal service. Personally, there's nothing quite like receiving a handwritten letter though. Write your feelings and thoughts out on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, and send it their way! It's such a nice surprise to get it in the mail, and there's something special about seeing his/her feelings written out for you to see and go back to whenever you want.

9. Play games together...sort of

We do this one on Skype A LOT. Of course, you'll have things to update each other on, but make sure your Skype dates don't get monotonous by playing games with each other. Obviously it'll be a bit difficult to play board games, but there are plenty of online games you can play. We really enjoy playing Never Have I Ever to see who the real BAMF in our relationship is.

10. Share music together

In your time apart, there is bound to be new music that comes up. If you're both in different countries, chances are that music popular in that country may not completely overlap with music that's popular in your country. If there's a new tune you've been jamming out to, share it with your SO. Turns out he/she may end up really liking the song (as happened with us and Radioactive by Imagine Dragons)!


LDRs are not easy, and it will be difficult. However, if both of you are committed to making it work, it can be done. This list is just a basic sampling of what can be done, but if anyone else has any other suggestions, leave it in the comments below! And of course, if you're struggling with an LDR, don't give up hope. There's plenty of people out there (myself included) who have been through it before and are more than willing to lend a shoulder to cry on and offer advice!

xx, Nic