On Leaving

"What are you doing?" is probably what I've heard more than anything for the past six months. Often, I even have to pause and ask myself, "Why in the world would you drop everything and just move across the ocean? You have actually lost your marbles."

I think every person is supposed to follow "The Plan" after college graduation: get a job (or go to grad school and then get a job), settle down and get married, have kids, work your way to the top, retire happy. For a long time, I thought I would "be responsible" and do the same, but in college I realized just how incredibly boring that sounds...sorry not sorry. Where's the adventure, the exploring, all the fun of youth? Studying abroad made me realize just how much I still can learn about myself, others, and the world in general by traveling and living in a foreign land.

I can't deny that I'm incredibly excited. I am taking a huge leap of faith here, but this opportunity fell into my lap and it has worked out in a way I could never have planned for. I'm young and really wanted to experience something new in a completely different environment before saddling up for school again. I get bored extremely easily (a huge problem in my life), and while I probably will eventually settle down into life in Madrid and have weekends where I lounge in my PJs and watch Downton, the opportunity for adventures and travel is much more at-hand than it is here. And I want to grow. Physically, I'm basically done and have been since I was about 10, but mentally? Spiritually? Home girl has heaps and bounds left, and what better way to do it than by challenging yourself to the extreme?

I won't lie and say that everyone has been supportive of my decision. I can't exactly blame them: it is a bit drastic and maybe even irresponsible. But ultimately, I am not doing this for them; I am doing this for me. It is not the traditional way of doing things and it does seem on the surface that I'm throwing away my college education. This, however, is perhaps one of the best opportunities I could ever have: I will be moving to a foreign city, with a steady job and reasonable salary, and I don't even have to work all that many hours. I won't be sitting in an office: I will be giving these kids a lifelong skill and give myself the adventure of a lifetime along the way. I want to prove to myself that I really can do anything I set my mind to, and really, after living abroad on your own, you can tackle almost anything.

I want adventure, not monotony and "average". I want to be able to move forward in life knowing that I've seen what I've wanted to see, do what I wanted to do.

Given all that, it isn't all roses over here in my little garden. I'm very methodical when I try to sort out my feelings, so of course I made a list on the strongest emotions I'm feeling...even though I realize that lives up to the emotional woman stereotype.

Fear

I don't think people take me seriously when I tell them I'm nervous or scared. Y'all, I don't know if you realize this, but it's kind of a big move. I'm moving to a city where I know no one. Sure, I speak the language and that makes it loads easier on one front, but I've never moved somewhere and been so completely alone. I can't drive home or fly back for a weekend; an entire ocean separates me from my family and friends. I've never taught for such a long period of time. In Sevilla I helped out with English classes at a secondary school but a) that was once a week b) I was told exactly what to do and c) I'm doing primary school now, and younger kids need more entertainment. I also have this ridiculous, if immature, desire to have people like me. And it terrifies me that my fellow teachers might not...or worse, my students. I'm scared that I won't make friends: I'm not an extrovert by any means. I'm scared that I might hate my job or Madrid. I'm scared that I won't find my niche. There's so many things that could go wrong, and my overactive and perfectionist mind can't help but bring these up, more and more frequently as I get closer to my departure date. I'm a big fan of planning; it's the main reason I keep a planner. Not having a concrete plan and knowing exactly what's going to happen...it's terrifying.

Frustrated

Piggy-backing off some of the previous points, I've been feeling quite frustrated throughout the process as well. There's the more obvious points of frustrations: the visa process was an awful debacle of sending papers all over the state, dishing out cash to a million different organizations, photocopying a thousand different documents, etc. The frustration of trying to semi-apartment search or work out a metro pass from across the pond. Dealing with the lax civil servants in Spain. But then there's the frustration that's inspired by people I know. I love my family and friends, but y'all. I am not going crazy, and it does irritate me when people suggest that I haven't thought this through. Trust me, I've given it plenty of thought. I'm not going abroad to go on an extended vacation: I've graduated, and while this isn't the typical 9-5 job, it is still a job. I can't just skip and travel whenever I feel like it as I did when I studied abroad. And don't even get me started on the frustrations of trying to navigate applying to grad school from overseas (and for those of you concerned, yes, grad school is still in the planner).

Sadness

I was actually kind of surprised to find myself feeling sad about leaving. Obviously, I knew I would get sad about leaving my family and friends behind, but I think more than anything it's surprised me that I've been getting sad thinking about the moments that I'm going to miss. One of my friends and sorority sister is getting married in November, and I most likely will not be able to attend the wedding because of my school schedule. I won't be there to welcome the newest babies to my family for big/little reveal in the fall (dumb, I know, but I love my fam). I'll miss most of my sister's big senior year events. I won't get to see our new cat go from kitten to full-grown evil cat (sorry, I love my kitty but I'll always prefer dogs). My friends' lives will go on with new memories and new inside jokes, things I won't be a part of, and it makes me incredibly sad to think about that. I'll be spending Thanksgiving and my birthday without any of my family members or friends from home or college. And it goes without saying that nothing will be able to replace just being at home with a home-cooked meal with your family laughing around the dinner table.

Excitement

Despite all the frustrations, anxiety, and sadness, it goes without saying that I'm also incredibly excited about what lies ahead. Up to this point, everything has worked out exactly the way I've dreamed of (and even more than I dreamed of). I absolutely love Spain, and the one time I was in Madrid I loved it. This is a new experience for me, and quite frankly it's one I'm looking forward to tackling. I get so excited thinking about my future students and spend many nights mentally planning lessons and activities for them. And the anticipation is killing me! I'm itching to get on that plane and just GO. Like, "Hello world, here I am, ready to conquer España!"...or at least my little primary school.

I'm so looking forward to this next chapter of my life. I am just relishing in the thought of not having to study or write papers for at least a year and having more time to myself and what I want to do rather than what my professors want me to do. I can focus fully on my job, grad school apps, and eventually (once those are out of the way), enriching my life in the way only cultural immersion can provide.

I know this post is really long: I kind of used it as a bit of a rant/confessional. Lately, I've gotten a lot of questions about how excited I am to be going, but it's not always rainbows and bunnies and I want people to know that. Moving abroad is not easy, even if you do speak the language. My time in Spain will be full of wonderful new memories and probably a fair share of poopy days, but I can't wait. Bring it, Madrid.

Travel Talk

I've decided to start a new series on the blog. When I studied abroad, there were a couple of weekends where I literally just hopped on to a bus and went to a random destination we had decided on just a few hours before. We had no guide, no advice, and no clue about anything we were doing. While I definitely recommend doing that (it's so much fun, trust me), we also probably would have saved quite a bit of time if we had at least a small idea of what to expect when we got off the bus on the other side.

Which brings me to Travel Talk.

Essentially, these will serve as very basic guides for different cities around Spain and the world. I will try to include different sights, hotels/hostel recommendations, restaurants, and just general tips for each location covered. The best part is that I can't do this alone: while I've traveled a bit, I definitely have not done every city possible. So I will be getting help. At the moment, said help includes my two best friends from college but anyone who wants to contribute, just contact me (links are on the left!) and we can arrange something to feature you on the blog :)

The first Travel Talk is coming soon and will feature a city near and dear to my heart: Sevilla, Spain.

Happy travels!

For All Future Auxiliares

Liz from Young Adventuress recently wrote a post on the 10 mistakes auxiliares tend to make. A lot of these things are often suggested on the auxiliares Facebook page, but they probably are worth repeating because no doubt some people will still do these things. Personally I want to emphasize #5, #6, and #7. Saludos!

Pesky Little Things

It's easy to romanticize your time abroad when you return to the States. When people ask you about your life overseas, of course you're going to neglect the grittier details and focus on the high points. I love Spain and Europe as a whole deeply, but now that I'm preparing to set off again for a longer period of time, I'm trying to be a bit more realistic with my expectations.

10 Things About Europe That Made Me Miss America

1. No screened windows

Y'all, this was a big one. I live in Florida, where mosquitos are an everyday thing. I don't do well with things coming in through the window. I studied abroad during a fall term in Sevilla, so the first month and a half was a literal hell because of how hot it was...I'm talking over 40 celsius almost every day. My señora didn't have the A/C on at all except during lunch, so during the day I would have to leave my window open to get a semblance of a breeze. Let me tell you, your room gets dirtier a lot faster.

2. Extra long laundry day(s)

As part of our homestay, our host moms were in charge of our laundry. You would think this is the greatest thing ever, and in many ways it is. However, my host mom, like most older Spanish women, was extremely thorough in her laundry. Between washing, drying, and ironing everything, our clothes would be gone for about a week and a half (or more) at a time. It got to the point where my roommate NE and I had to go buy extra clothes, particularly socks in my case, because we were always running out of one thing or another.

3. No ice

In the winter, this is actually not a big issue. The problem was the last few weeks of summer in Southern Spain. It is so incredibly hot and many times when you go to a restaurant all you want is a nice, cool glass of water. Well, good luck. It'll probably be cool when you first get it, but lukewarm within about 30 seconds. Fighting heat with heat, I guess.

4. Cyber-cafes/coffee shops

I honestly had never given this much thought, as I am not a coffee addict and had internet at my host mom's place. When midterms rolled around, my roommate and I decided to put in a little bit of effort and at least read our notes over once. However, it is nearly impossible to find a coffee shop to study in, something we could easily do on campus back home. Even the Starbucks were more for social gatherings over coffee than a study zone. In the end, we ended up at a nearly empty Dunkin in some really comfortable couches...and nearly zero studying done.

5. Modern amenities

As has been hinted at previously in this post, certain modern amenities that are commonplace in the US are not as common in Spain. Electricity is significantly more expensive in Europe than here (a situation that has only escalated with the crisis), and Europeans generally have a much more eco-friendly attitude about amenities. Dryers are not common and neither are A/C or heating. While you do get used to it eventually and learn to cope, it's hard to give up if you come from the States. I'm used to having the A/C on nearly year-round because of the Florida humidity, so my first few weeks in Sevilla were difficult.

6. Business hours

Ah, the famed Spanish siesta. It cuts the business day into two parts and effectively shuts down most Spanish cities from about 2 till 5pm. Banks are usually only open on weekdays, and even then only till about 1 or 2pm, making it difficult to reach one in time if you have classes all morning or work. You'll also be hard-pressed to find any 24-hour location, including convenience stores. One of the first debates we got into with our program teacher while abroad was the lack of 24-hour locations. She called them useless and really not essential, but I don't think she gets it: sometimes you just really want some Sour Cream and Onion chips at 3am.

7. Gypsies

My first encounter with the gypsies was outside the cathedral in Mallorca. I had never been to Europe before but I had been warned to watch out for them. Luckily, I was with a local so he steered me in another direction. In Sevilla, however, they're all over the center so a bit harder to avoid. The ones in southern Spain try to get you by offering this plant with healing powers. Unfortunately, while talking to/distracting you, another one may try to take your money. Gypsies are not unique to Spain though: they were all over Paris, particularly around the train stations and the metro, areas sure to be full of distracted foreigners. Like you would anywhere, it's just important to be mindful of your surroundings and keep your belongings close.

8. Lack of public restrooms and fountains

The first time I noticed this was actually at the beach. I had come with my swimsuit already on but a couple of people traveling with me had not. When we found a bathroom for them to change in, it turned out it cost €1,20! Just to use the facilities! There are no free public restrooms on the streets and most businesses won't let you use their restrooms unless you're a customer. And if you're thirsty, best get yourself a water bottle, because I never once saw a public water fountain.

9. No bagels

I absolutely love bagels. They're my absolute favorite to-go breakfast food (because you can't really take French toast to go). A toasted blueberry bagel with extra fluffy cream cheese? Heaven on earth. However, bagels are essentially non-existent in Spain. While a few people tell me they have managed to make them, it's just not the same as stopping by Einstein Bros. or Panera to get a warm, toasty bagel.

10. Poor customer service

This is probably the thing that most irritated me about Europe. Everyone in the service sector gets paid a fixed salary; tipping is not expected or encouraged. While I love not having to tip, it makes me wonder if tipping would perhaps improve the customer service (at least in restaurants). Many waiters are just straight up rude and service can be really slow. It's basically impossible to order, eat, and pay for a meal in an hour or less.

Have you lived abroad? What parts of daily living made you miss your home country?

Dating a Spaniard

The wonderful Kaley of Y Mucho Más recently interviewed me about my relationship with my Spanish novio. Check out her article here! And if you want to find out how in the world the Novio and I manage, I actually wrote up a list of how we keep the romance going even from across the Atlantic.